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2020年02月21日 05:12:36 | 作者:120新闻 | 来源:新华社
YOU CAN#39;T CHANGE A GUYYou may be able to make improvements to whomever you#39;re with, but you won#39;t be able to change him – as hard as you might try or as much as you might want to. It can be very tempting to believe you can take someone who you like – to a point – and turn him into the man of your dreams. Don#39;t believe it. If you don#39;t fully accept him now, as he is, you won#39;t be able to magically make him into someone different just by marrying or moving in with him. Think long and hard before you commit to spending the rest of your life with someone – or even just agreeing to share an apartment, because if you aren#39;t totally happy with who they are and what they#39;re about, you#39;re setting yourself up for a relationship roller coaster that will have you feeling frustrated in no time.你不可能改变一个人你可以把和你在一起的那个人变好,但你不能改变他,尽管你可能尝试过或者多么想改变。很容易相信你可以一点点改变你喜欢的人——从而把他变成你的梦中情人。别相信。如果你现在不完全接受他,他就是他,你不可能通过和他结婚或同居就神奇地把他变成另外一个人。在你承诺一生与其相伴,甚至只是同意共享一个公寓之前要深思熟虑,因为如果你不完全满意他们本身以及与之相关的事,你正将自己置身于一段不时感到沮丧的过山车般的恋情中。CHEMISTRY CAN#39;T BE MANUFACTUREDWhat starts off as a hot and heavy romance could end up feeling less-than-passionate within a year. Sometimes this just means you need to retool your approach to romance and try new things when it comes to sex, but other times it means whatever you had is over. You might still think he#39;s nice and fun to be around, but if the chemistry is truly gone, it#39;s not likely to come rushing back any time soon, and you can#39;t force it. Moving forward with a guy you no longer feel any kind of spark with is a bad idea. You#39;ll be leading him on and risking spending time with a person you#39;re no longer into.产生不了化学反应引燃一段火热恋情的东西最终可能因一年之内感觉不到而终结。有时这就意味着你需要给浪漫另寻出路,当涉及性时尝试新事物,但其他时候这意味着无论你拥有过什么都已经结束了。你可能还认为他在你身边时人好又幽默,但如果化学反应消失,不太可能很快重回正轨,你不能强求。与一个你不再擦出任何火花的家伙继续下去是一个坏主意。你会给他错觉,并冒着风险将时间浪费在你不再喜欢的人身上。YOU HAVE TO LOVE YOURSELF FIRSTWe know you#39;ve heard it before and you#39;re going to hear it again – that in order to really have a successful, meaningful relationship with someone else, you have to love yourself first. It may sound like something out of a self-help book, but trust us – it#39;s true. If you don#39;t love and respect yourself, then how can you expect someone else to do it? The happier you are with who you are, the easier it will be to attract someone who is worthy of your love and who will treat you well.你首先得爱自己我们知道你以前听过这句话,你会再去听一遍——为了和别人真正拥有一段成功的有意义的恋情,首先得爱自己。这听起来像是出自一本自助书,但是请相信我们,这是真的。如果你不爱惜尊重自己,那么你怎么能期望别人这样做呢?你越是因自身而快乐,就越容易吸引那些值得你爱并好好待你的人。GO WITH YOUR GUT – IT#39;S USUALLY RIGHTThe most important lesson you can learn before you settle down is to listen to yourself. It#39;s OK to ask for advice and get other people#39;s input, but ultimately you#39;re the only one who knows what#39;s best for you. If you#39;re in a relationship that#39;s progressing quickly and something doesn#39;t feel right, don#39;t ignore those feelings. You don#39;t have to make any rash decisions, but you should also take any doubts that come up seriously. And if you are having doubts about where the relationship is going, you need to address them. Think seriously about whether or not you#39;re happy and if you#39;re not, it may be time to move on.跟着直觉走——这通常是正确的在你安定下来之前你可以学习的最重要功课是倾听自己。可以寻求建议以及得到他人指导,但最终你是那个唯一知道什么对你最好的人。如果你处在一段进展很快的关系中,有点不大对劲,不要忽略那些感觉。你不需要做任何鲁莽的决定,但你也应该严肃对待出现的任何怀疑。如果你对这段关系的走向有疑问,你需要提出来。认真思考你是否快乐,如果你不是,也许是时候离开了。 /201304/237413Recently I was chatting with a thoughtful young woman about love. She asked: #39;What is a soulmate? Do you get just one?#39;最近,我与一个挺有想法的女孩聊起了爱情。她问我:“什么是灵魂伴侣?你会找到一个吗?”You become soulmates在时间流逝中成为灵魂伴侣I do not believe that the universe prepares one perfect person who is your destiny, whom you need to go out to find, after which your lives will be forever happy.我认为宇宙不会为你准备好一个是你真命天子的完美之人,你需要走出去寻找,之后你的生活将永远幸福下去。I believe the world contains multiple people with whom you could fall in love. You choose one (of course, he needs to choose you too). You and he decide to build a life together. Together, you go through life#39;s ups and downs.我相信世上有几个你可能会爱上的人。你选择了其中一个(当然他也需要选择你),你和他决定共同开创生活,一同经历人生的起起伏伏。Then over time, your bond becomes symbiotic, like yin and yang. Over time, you become soulmates.随着时间的流逝,你们将变得和谐共生,就像阴和阳。你们是在时间流逝中成为灵魂伴侣的。What about destiny?如何看待缘分?Some of my ers protest at the whole idea of choosing or headhunting! - a mate. They think it#39;s unromantic. On my Weibo they ask: But what about yuanfen (destiny)?有些读者对上篇专栏中“挑选甚至是猎寻一个伴侣”的观点提出了异议,她们认为这个观点太不浪漫了。有读者在微上问我:“如何看待缘分呢?”For those of us who have fallen in, and out, of love, more than once, we know from experience that falling in love is easy. But those early tidal waves of emotion are not enough to sustain a lifetime. This can be really confusing, because no other experience is quite as exhilarating as falling in love.对我们这些已经陷入或走出爱河不止一次的人来说,经验告诉我们,陷入爱河很容易,但最初的爱终不能永远澎湃。这的确让人迷惑──因为没有其他经历能像陷入爱河一般让人迷醉。Marriage is nothing like dating婚姻与约会大不相同Some couples are so busy gazing into each other#39;s eyes that they don#39;t realize it#39;s more important that as they face the future, they#39;re looking out in the same direction.有些恋人总在深情对望,却没有意识到,面对未来,更重要的是两个人的眼睛要看着同一个方向。Here#39;s a typical modern marriage scenario: Date someone you happen to know who happens to like you. After a period of time, marry him.Then make a lot of compromises and work really hard to try to make it work. When it doesn#39;t work, get divorced or drift apart living separate lives.典型的现代婚姻是这样的:与某个你恰巧知道他正好也喜欢你的人约会,约会一段时间之后就和他结婚了,接下来做出很多妥协、非常努力地维系婚姻,当这些都行不通时便离婚或彼此疏远分居而过。What was different about the mountain lovers Xu Chaoqing and Liu Guojiang?那么,“爱情天梯”的主人公徐朝清和刘国江有什么不同之处?They knew HOW to love他们知道如何去爱It#39;s easy to fall in love. Even the term #39;fall in love#39; makes it seem like an accident. #39;Oops! Fell in love again!#39;Teenagers can fall in love with passion and abandon. But stay in love for a lifetime? That#39;s a different matter.陷入爱河很容易,“陷入爱河”(Fall in love)这个词句本身也使它显得就像是一次意外。“哎呀!又陷入爱河了!” 十几岁的孩子也会爱得忘我,爱得抛下一切。但是永浴爱河呢?这又是另外一码事了。Love is a skill. In fact, I#39;ve come to believe that learning to truly connect with another human being is life#39;s hardest but most important skill. It requires learning respect, empathy and kindness, for both oneself and others.爱是一种技能。实际上,我慢慢相信学会与另一个人真正地融合在一起是人生当中最艰难也是最重要的技能。它需要你学会尊重、移情(empathy)和善良,对自己和对他人都是如此。And having to live beside and cooperate every single day with another human being is the ultimate test of one#39;s emotional skills. Xu and Liu passed that test. Without nannies or outside childcare, they survived on the land and successfully raised seven children together. That took a huge amount of cooperation.每一天都必须与另一个人共同生活和合作是对一个人情感技能的终极考验。徐朝清和刘国江老人通过了这个考验。在没有保姆和外界帮助照看孩子的情况下,他们在那片土地上活了下来,而且一同成功养大了七个孩子。They wanted the same things out of life他们对生活有同样的期望If at any point, either Xu or Liu had decided to opt for a life with electricity, hot water, great restaurants, a busy social life, and a career in the big city, then we now would not have 6,000 steps to ponder on.在某一时候,如果徐朝清或刘国江决定选择去过大城市里的生活,那里有电、热水、高档餐厅、忙碌的社交和自己的事业,那6000级引起我们深思的“爱情天梯”现在都不会存在。But even after their children went off into the world, they both were devoted to their beautiful, rustic life. And that was crucial to their ability to stay together over half a century.然而,即使在他们的孩子离开他们进入社会之后,他们二人也专心过着他们美好的乡村生活,这对他们能半个多世纪相濡以沫至关重要。Human beings are diverse in our values, and that diversity is what makes society interesting.人们的价值观各不相同,而正是这种多样性让社会变得丰富多。But a soulmate shares the same basic values as you. He wants the same things out of life that you do. You love and cherish his friends and family. He loves and cherishes yours.灵魂伴侣应该与你拥有相同的基本价值观,他对生活的期望与你对生活的期望相同。你爱并珍惜他的朋友和家人,他也如此。They were true partners他们是真正的伴侣We now revel in the romance of the mountain lovers, but their daily lives were not all about candle-lit dinners with violins playing in the background. They planted their own vegetables, caught their own fish, ground their own flour, fended off wild beasts, lived by the light of one kerosene lamp, and got soaked when it rained. With a family of nine.当我们沉醉于“爱情天梯”的浪漫故事中时,要意识到,他们的日常生活并不是有小提琴伴奏的烛光晚餐。他们要自己种菜、、磨面粉、驱赶野兽、只靠一盏煤油灯照明,每当下雨时还浑身淋透。而且,这还是一个九口之家。Marriage is nothing like dating. Marriage is more like a mundane small business in which you and he are co-partners and co-employees for life. For your little company to succeed, you must believe in each other, and trust in each other#39;s good judgment. You must agree on who does what. You must agree on the direction of your company and the values by which it will run.婚姻与约会大不相同。婚姻更像一个世俗的小企业,你和你的丈夫既是联合雇主又是联合雇员。为了让你们的小企业获得成功,你们必须信任彼此,相信对方拥有良好的判断力;你们必须确定哪些事情要完成以及由谁来完成;你们必须在企业的发展方向和经营理念上达成共识。Those values will be especially tested if you choose to produce offspring. Because children learn by example, and they#39;ll start off their lives with the emotional skills and values that you model.如果你们选择繁衍后代的话,这些理念会受到特别的考验。因为孩子们会模仿你们,他们将会用你们展现出的情感技能和理念开始他们的生活。All this talk of small businesses may make marriage sound boring, but when you get it right, it can be really really nice, and something worth fighting for. And that#39;s why the story of the mountain-top soulmates makes all of our hearts skip a beat.关于小企业的说法或许会使婚姻听上去很枯燥,不过如果你经营得当,它会非常非常棒,是值得我们去争取的东西。这也是为什么“爱情天梯”灵魂伴侣的故事让所有人的心灵为之一颤的原因吧。 /201211/209638

Ever feel like you’ve gone and said too much? Again? Maybe you kill a joke or ruin a great moment. Foot in ze ol’ mouth.是不是觉得自己又说太多了?也许你不经意就会毁了一个笑话,或是完全破坏了气氛。要记住祸从口出呐。Well listen up. And shut up. Not many people know it but shutting up can be the trump card in a lot of situations.我们应该多听,不该说话的时候学会闭嘴。不是每个人都知晓这一点,但沉默在很多场合下的确是最好的王牌。Shutting up helps you appear wise and avoid conflict. In general, it can make life easier which it turn makes you a happier person. Here’s how and when to just shut up.沉默会让你更加智慧,避免纷争。总而言之,它能让生活更加简单,让你成为更快乐的人。下面将告诉你在什么时候应该学会沉默。1) When people are gossiping1. 大家在八卦时People love gossiping and many of us can’t help it. It’s refreshing. It makes life seem a bit better. But the next time you hear gossiping, especially about your friends, try holding your tongue. Listen to what the gossiper is saying, it may reveal a lot about both parties. Instead of being like “yeahh, she is a b*$$#,” try saying “well, she’s trying her hardest” and see what the response is. Deny yourself that tiny pleasure from putting someone else down.人们都爱八卦,这是大家没法控制的事情。八卦能让人精神振奋,似乎生活也变得更好了。但如果你听到了一些八卦,尤其是关于你朋友的,还是闭上嘴吧。听听那些聊八卦的人在说什么,也许能让你更加了解自己的朋友。与其说:“是啊,她真的很贱。” 不如说:“我知道她已经很努力了”,看看别人的反应。别让自己的小快乐建立在贬低别人的基础上。2) When asked about your love life2. 被问到感情生活时How was last night? Did it go well wink wink? We’ve all heard these prying questions from roommates and friends and it’s fun boasting our conquests (especially when they’re few and far between). But you’re better off remaining mysterious. Keeping quiet about your hookups will make your admirers respect, and seek you out, even more. Only talk love life if you really need advice.昨晚怎么样?约会进展如何?我们的室友和朋友们往往会问出这样窥探类的问题,炫耀自己的战利品的确很有意思(尤其是TA们的确很出色的话),但你最好还是保持点神秘感。对自己的约会守口如瓶还能让你的追求者们更加尊重欣赏你。等到实在需要建议时再谈论自己的感情生活吧。3) After an obviously erroneous statement3. 在别人发表明显错误的言论后We all get called out from time to time at the office and in social settings. But sometimes letting someone’s accusation linger in the air exposes its flaws. Sure you’ve got to defend yourself sometimes, but if someone takes a really stupid jab at you, and others notice, you might look stronger just saying nothing and chuckling instead. Let that person roast in their own stupidity.我们时不时会被叫去办公室(类似这样的公开环境里)谈话。有时任别人对你公开的指责往往能暴露他的缺陷。你当然可以辩解,但如果某人对你进行愚蠢的攻击,其他人也注意到了,你倒不如保持沉默轻声的笑一笑,这样会让你看起来更加强大。就让那个人充分展现自己愚蠢的一面吧!4) At the near-end of a joke4. 笑话的尾声No one likes the guy who kills a joke. Instead of asking, “wait what was that?” just play along with jokes and funny stories, even those you don’t fully understand, adding new information instead of beating the heck out of them. You’ll be more popular starting a joke than finishing it.没有人喜欢破坏笑话的人。与其问“等等,你刚才说了什么?” 不如假装一直很享受这些笑话和故事,哪怕你根本没听懂,加点新信息进去,而不是彻底毁了这些笑话,这样的幽默能让你更加受欢迎哦。5) When you’re the expert5. 你是专家时Experts are reserved. They wisely interject their knowledge into a discussion. So when your friend or colleague sets you up saying “hey, he knows all about this” at dinner don’t feel like you have to pour out all your knowledge. No need to prove yourself. Instead, be reserved, say thanks, and give a concise, even self-deprecating summary of what you do. Try to act like you get congratulated all the time.真人不露相。他们总是巧妙的把自己的知识插入讨论之中。所以如果饭局上你的朋友或同事把你推出来说“嗨,他是这方面的专家,” 千万别觉得你得把肚子里的知识全部倒出来。真的没必要实自己。不如隐藏一下,说句谢谢,对自己干的事情做一个简洁谦逊的总结。要表现的自己像一直需要被鼓励的人那样。6) When under fire6. 矛盾激化时Getting in trouble is a part of life and sometimes the person in power just needs to run through everything they’re upset about. Bosses yell, referees yells, our spouses yell. It does not always help to talk back. On the other hand, be silent and take the blows, then find a good time to say a concise sorry. Even if you’re not in the wrong. This will get you out of jail and on with your life a whole lot quicker.人生总是难免遇到麻烦。有权利的人往往需要对所有让他们失望的事发泄一下。老板在咆哮,裁判在咆哮,我们的另一半也在咆哮。其实并不需要去回应他们。不如保持沉默,一一承受,再找个合适的时机简单说一句对不起,哪怕你没有做错。你就会脱离苦海,生活进展更快。7) When talking about money7. 谈到钱的问题Don’t mention your salary when others are bragging and don’t whine about being owed money. Lend to your friends, it’ll come back around. An aura of quiet confidence around money issues will help you someday find riches.在别人吹牛时,别也跟着提及自己的薪水问题,更不要对借出去的钱发牢骚。借给你的朋友,他们总会还的。在钱的问题上保持沉默,这样的自信总会有天让你发现其价值所在。8) In line at an event8. 排队等候时This one is specific, but I’ve noticed that those who wait patiently to get into a club or concert often get through faster than the loud mouths begging for entrance. Being loud and belligerent gets you nowhere and a quiet confidence makes it look like you belong.这条比较特别,但我发现那些静静等候俱乐部或音乐会入场的人往往比那些吵吵闹闹的人们进去的要快。吵吵闹闹只会让你找不到方向,安静一点才让你看起来真正属于这里。9) When congratulated9. 被祝贺时A smooth and confident “thank you” is the best response to a congratulations. It’s true. Just saying thank you is enough. Don’t say “oh, well it was all him” or “yeah, I don’t know how I did it” or something equally blasé. Just be the man, say thank you, and go dominate your next conquest.对于祝贺最好的回答莫过于一句“谢谢”。的确是这样,说谢谢就够了。不要说“这都是他的功劳” 或是“啊,我都不知道自己怎么做到的”,或是其他类似的话语。就绅士点,说句谢谢吧,然后向着自己下个目标进军。10) When some is divulging secrets10. 某人对你吐露秘密时If you find yourself in a rare moment when someone in power or with useful information has decided to pour it out for you, please just listen. You’ll learn a lot. Understand how valuable the information is and store it away for use later on. A smile is all the response you need to give.如果你发现自己身处一个特殊的场合,某个有权利的人或掌握有用消息的人突然对你倾诉,那就好好倾听吧。你会学到很多东西。了解这些信息到底有多重要,然后自己消化以备以后的需要。这种情况下你只需要回馈一个笑容。Shutting up is an art form. Spot these moments in advance and trust me, you’ll reap the silent benefits.学会沉默是一门艺术。提前知晓这些该沉默的场合,相信我,你会从中受益良多。 /201302/224880

There are lots of ways to become famous. You can write a pop song, or invent a time machine. The best way, however, is to become outstanding in whatever area interests you the most. Whatever your interest, keep in mind that the path to fame requires training, experience, and most of all, persistence.有许多方式可以出名。你可以写流行歌,或发明时光机。然而,最好的方式是在你最感兴趣的领域是杰出的。无论你对什么感兴趣,记住成名之路需要训练,经验,最重要的是坚持。The Path to Fame成名之路Understand that there is more than one way to become famous. Make sure that becoming famous is your ultimate dream.知道成名之路不止一条。确定成名是你的终极梦想。Be Unique独一无二Do something inspirational so others can look up to you.做一些鼓舞人心的事情,这样别人会敬仰你。Look for Opportunities寻找机会 /201210/204267

The story is a fictionalized autobiography. In real life, Ostrovsky#39;s father died, and his mother worked as a kitchen chef. As he joined the war with the Red Army, he lost his right eye due to an infection.《钢铁是怎样炼成的》是苏联作家尼古拉·奥斯特洛夫斯基所著的一部长篇小说,于1933年写成。小说通过保尔.柯察金的成长道路,告诉人们,一个人只有在革命的艰难困苦中战胜敌人也战胜自己,只有在把自己的追求和祖国、人民的利益联系在一起的时候,才会创造出奇迹,才会成长为钢铁战士。革命者在斗争中百炼成钢,是小说的一个重要主题。1942年,苏联根据原著小说拍摄了一部同名的电影。 /201208/197003

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